Recently I pulled up a browser page to do something work related and, as always (much to my dismay), was greeted with a “news” feed. Of course, the scroll wheel on my mouse started reluctantly turning to see what the headlines were. This group was pointing fingers at that group, this media source was reporting that the other media source was completely wrong in an article that had been originally reporting how bias the first media source was, this Hollywood star was giving his opinion on the political climate while that politician was giving a commentary on a movie. It seems like there is some force that draws us to scroll down just a little, but lately I’ve been finding myself only able to get a few rows down before finally closing out the noise and shear waste that the majority of the stories are. On this particular day, however, I didn’t make it any farther down, but the last story that caused me to turn it off was one I couldn’t let go.

The article was about a woman who had unfollowed a minor celebrity (I hope she isn’t reading this and offended that I called her a minor celebrity. I’m just putting it in context that we’re not talking about Jennifer Lopez or Jennifer Aniston) because said celebrity had posted a picture of herself in a pair of jeans she hadn’t fit into since before giving birth. Apparently, the woman’s comment on the celebrity’s post was something to the effect that she felt the celebrity was bragging too much and that it was hard for her and her daughter to watch as her body ‘bounced back’.

There are 500 million tweets each day, and we’ve all grown accustomed to scandal, political posturing, and corporate muckraking from top political figures around the world as well as billionaires using the platform to sound off. But what made news that day was one tweet condemning a woman who had chosen to post a picture of herself in a pair of jeans because she was feeling good about herself in that moment. What made news that day is a far more complicated and often polarizing issue than just the perception of someone flaunting their body. What really lies behind the story is a malignancy in this country that holds that beauty, in all forms, is the enemy; the enemy of misery which we seems to have become the pride of our nation. We have chosen to look to the drama and negativity in this world, and often in the microcosm that we live as individuals, and align with it, instead of uplifting those who have chosen to embrace the beauty around us as well as the powerful moments of triumph in our personal lives that we should all be attempting to embrace instead of tear down.

The problem goes far deeper than physical beauty or the beauty that appears on the cover of Vogue. Nonetheless, physical beauty is a good place to start. Some people might not know this, but I started my first career twenty-seven years ago in the fashion industry. It was a short-lived career because, although I loved the creativity of what I did in theory, I couldn’t give up enough of my soul to sell out to the darker sides of the industry. Over the years I saw “beauty” in one of its more perverse forms, as those who talked about it and created it also condemned and judged those outside of it. I also saw girls and young women who were so caught up in the lies of fame and fortune that they would do anything to play the beauty game. Is there a dark side to “beauty”; no doubt.

Over the last decade or so, however, we’ve started seeing another specter emerge from the tumult. As groups seek out and try to fix the injustices like the objectifying of women based on unattainable standards, they turn their own fiery judgements and condemnations at those who are rightfully innocent of much more than just wanting to see a positive in this world as opposed to the negative. In the name of righting the wrong of body shaming, these same people have become indiscriminate accusers using the same tactics and venom that the fashion industry was blamed for using. It’s cliché to say that two wrongs don’t make a right, and yet we are in need of reminding on a regular basis.

It comes down to something I’ve written about many times; our fear of going beyond black and white. Black and white is easy, we find the villain and the hero and we don’t have to look in the shadows for the other characters that we don’t want to deal with. The greys are uncomfortable and make us uneasy. It’s much easier to say that body image is always a negative thing while acceptance is the good. In doing this, however, we find ourselves pointing the black and white finger at things that don’t always fit neatly into the mold. A person who comes out and criticizes another for being overweight is most definitely in the wrong, but a person who comes out and says that they are feeling good about the effort they’ve put into their health is then seen as being just as arrogant. Why should the person who is feeling good about themselves be condemned for that feeling? There was a time when we taught people to think positive thoughts about themselves and visualize who they wanted to become. Now they can visualize it, but as soon as they see it coming to fruition they are immediately, and harshly, judged for it.

One of the biggest problems is that we have become unable to conceptualize things. We need a face to point at or an organization to rale against. The body shaming and institutionalized marketing of a perceived ideal was the domain of a relatively small group of power players and companies. The enemy are immoral PEOPLE, not the concept of beauty in and of itself. But it’s easier to tear down the entire idea of beauty than to look where the problem lies. It’s a never-ending cycle of vilification when we choose to overlook the few truly culpable individuals and turn on an idea; an idea can’t fight back. In the meantime, the idea becomes the enemy and anyone choosing to align with the idea on even the most innocent level is collateral damage in a war that has no definable endgame. We fight the good fight against body image while tearing down the beauty in the world at large. It’s like having an enemy in your back yard and setting off a nuclear bomb killing you and everything around to prove a point. The “right” ideas can be just as destructive as the supposedly “wrong” ones when we lose focus of the specific issues and chose to blindly follow the esoteric. And, of course, we can justify it all because we have the black and white banner of “Right” on our side just as those of the Christian inquisition were right in killing people; because they had God (or the black and white ideal of good in their minds) on their side.

We’ve even seen this problem going beyond just human physical beauty. I’ve read articles and books from other areas where the problem is also starting to creep in. In one school, art contests were discontinued because those who didn’t win felt bad about themselves. The potentially beautiful artwork of those who’d been given a gift by the Goddesses and Gods now the evil, and done away with. In one article, a neighbor had complained about a fence that another neighbor had built claiming that it made their family feel like their house wasn’t good enough anymore. I’ve even heard of people wanting to defund historical sites like the Metropolitan Museum of Art, not because the money could have a better use, but because the art reminds people that they don’t live in a beautiful world (and apparently don’t want to).

In part 2 of this article, I hope to invoke the Goddess for which the temple honors and give at least my humble words on what we can do to start to grapple with the greys and the shadows, while finding a way to embrace the greater beauty in the world and ultimately in ourselves.